wow!! happy new year peeps! January 3, 2012

so, ive decided to not do the played out new year mantra/pep talk/stating the resolve of a new year…instead i will talk about how crazily dependent one becomes on internet access…totally unrelated.

ive been in the process of moving since early december, and am officially in my new place along with juggling several birthdays, christmas, new years eve etc….so, the proverbial dust has somewhat settled. ive been tv-less which is actually quite nice. and ive been void of internet and still am. this, i feel lost. its a shame. i feel unsettled with the reality of “checking -in” or status updating and mobile uploads. however, i feel so removed from life not having it also. i feel like im out of the loop. i feel detached. 

i remember feeling anxiety not having any of my “gear” as i was beginning to play that life changing game we will call “SURVIVOR”. such a void penetrated me. i felt like i was kicking. unable to speak with family, loved ones, and not being able to plug in to any happenings or drama of the moment-i had to just sink into that ever-deafening silence.

THEN…

as i settled in, the peace came. 

no distraction.

no influence.

no noise.

not even a mirror to see myself (that was awesome)

it was like i was floating and so focused at the same time. i was so available to everything around me and everything around was available to me. but focused.

so, now, in the new year, i want to feel that focus. that power of potentiality. i obviously have to function in this world so i need my computer, i need my phone…but can i detach from it on a level? i think so. i can focus on the love in my life. focus on the good shit, and focus on the things i want to see and do, and with whom. but the beautiful trick is to balance that scary/deafening silence with the facets of life in LA. visit that void. make that void my friend. sitting in my painful silence has proven to be one of the most powerful tools ive ever employed. 

so, as i bitched the last few weeks in defiance of being stripped of modern day convenience aka distractions, here i am reveling in the sheer enjoyment of it.

this year…im going to be more present. present in the people around me. present in my endeavors. present in my life. that being said, i’m gonna turn my phone off from time to time. power down to power up.

peace, ya’ll.

n.