ahhh, friday…

i got such good sleep last night.

OMG it was so needed!!!!

i do remember dreaming about jessica beal?! anyhoo…

this weekend im going to try and calm my shit down. ive been stressing myself to the point of complete exhaustion. and i cant even point out what my stress is coming from. i think its a couple of things. i think its the time of year. spring always makes me antsy, the economy, my usual “whats my purpose in life?” . its all these things compounded into the last couple of weeks.

can you remember what it was like as a kid to feel no stress? the biggest stress for me growing up was getting drafted to a shitty baseball team. or i remember having to go inside from a full day of playing and still not feeling tired. i wanted to play more. that was pretty much it. i want just one of those days again. just one. then maybe i can figure out how to reproduce it on my own. and have them over and over and over.

in a book im reading the author says: “growth means that you are absorbing something new everyday…people who have never suffered and have lived a convenient and comfortable life are almost dead. their lives will not be sharp like a sword.” -(OSHO)

a couple of things-i am by no means saying my life is hard, or whining about my situation. i am blessed utterly and completely. there are people out there everyday that fight the good fight, and i am by no means discounting true struggles people face. but i have my shit too.

i am in a state of growth right now. and as a child when you go through spurts there are pains that come with that. this is my place right now. i am growing. and a lot of me feels a beautiful sense of peace in it. i want my life to be poignant. i want my life to be full and colorful and rich. it takes these times of ┬ástruggle and growth to carve out the design of a beautiful life. here i am. me and God (the universe) whittling away at my so called life. actually, (s)he’s carving, i’m the jack-ass cleaning and sweeping up the excess shavings. ­čÖé

make love this weekend…


late thursday morning sippin’ a cup of joe…

well, i thought i would wake up and wanna talk deep thoughts, but i’m not in the mood.

i am still just waking up (i got to sleep in late) and im now just a walking zombie with really bad morning breath.  i have on monkey slippers and a blue fuzzy clouded robe (a vision of pure sexy). but no voices, no real cognitive thought process, its that space before the thoughts of the day and my world open up and hit me with the vengeance of its broken flood gate. so, im kind of just enjoying the calm before the storm.

what is thursday going to look like for me? will i be productive? will i feel accomplished? why do we get more eye boogers on some days more than others? i need to get gas, im running on empty. i need to do cardio. i gotta pay bills. i should write a song.

so here i am. the flood gate is slowly opening. shit. so much for the little “Space”. for all of you who are ahead of me with your thoughts already rushing in-we have reached thursday. but this is your day. this is my day. and at least today im going to carve it out the exact way i want it to look and feel-because i can.

you can.



ok, subject can’t be avoided…


i dont even know where to start. this one is a bitch this time. and for me, she chooses when and how she wants to come in- with a vengeance or sit on the side-lines like a mousy wall-flower. well, she is definitely here.

just to give you a little view into my life this past weekend-thursday night I made really good friends with “johnnie walker blue label”. black label was always my favorite friend til now. Friday I spent all day wanting to delete him as a friend. Saturday i went to yoga with my bff along with other random stuff. ┬ánow sunday…i decide somewhere after my 3 shot americano as i’m feeling all pepped up and ready to enjoy my sunday with extreme fervor- that it is now time to cry like a bitch for a good 2 hours. why? dont ask me why. there is no definitive path we can walk down to find the reason. (and the word “reason” can not be used in the same blog ever if we’re discussing pms mind you. i think it’s a law somewhere).

oh wait, there’s more…after my desire to throw myself into complete hysteria comes to an end-i am now utterly exhausted. haaaaaaaaave, you ever seen a kid lose their shit then 10 minutes later they’re completely passed out from act-out exhaustion? that was me. but at this point, i felt like all i could do now for the rest of the day is just muster the strength to hold the couch down and watch the oscar pre-shows with 2 bags of chips with salsa. that’s what HAD to be done. that was absolutely the only fixable solution.

then we cut to me completely spinning out that i actually successfully finished a bag and a half and the mental havoc that ensued. wow, am i on a roll. now, im on clean up patrol for my lost weekend and new found desire to sit around and waste my day. geez. and i KNOW im not the only one. it sucks for all of us. i swear im going to invent something like a “pms blocker”. if not to be taken by us-for all the people who have to endure us premenz.

peace (finally today)


late start friday…

i really dont have a pressing matter to discuss with you today. but we all know i love to hear my own thoughts even if no one else gives a shit…so, i’ll come up with something simply for my own pleasure…

in my book i read everyday for my sense of zen, today the author wrote:

“drop your fixed ideas. then you will be able to enjoy confusion more. and it will not be confusion-it will be creative chaos. we need a creative chaos in the heart to give birth to dancing stars. there is no other way.”

well, that’s just one of the most ridiculously brilliant and arguable statements i’ve ever heard. it’s sort of like the statement: “wherever you go, that’s where you are” or some shit like that.

but to actually sit in the words and point he is making is in fact rather brilliant and free-ing. i am one who gets so worn down from tunnel vision and exactness in my life that when i have a hiccup in my plan i completely short circuit. so its rather liberating the concept in which he speaks.

“drop the confusion- enjoy the confusion-“. detach a little. let it go. let some of the chaos filter in.

bruce lee actually sums it up best by saying, “be like water. be fluid.”

let it shape around you and dont fight so much. and in that natural friction the miracles will appear. “we need a creative chaos in the heart to give birth to dancing stars.”

it is true. the universe has a way of dancing in our so-called chaos. beautiful magic happens if we dont impede her steps.

all of this makes me feel peace today. or maybe it’s just a naive way for me to simply feel better, but i’m buying it. i’ll take it, and try to use it in my life. detach from my problems and ideas????? ummm, ok. you dont have to ask me twice. the habit of it may be difficult to part with but if dancing stars are involved it is worth a fucking shot.

my love to u for the weekend-


oh, thursday, i will smile in spite of your start…..

so, last night i go to dinner with friends. i left my car parked on the street in front of my place. after dinner, my friend’s dad says, “hey nat, don’t forget to move your car to your spot in the back”. so, i do so…

in the back, there are 3 designated parking spaces for the tenants of the 4-plex. well, one of the other tenants took it upon himself (again…i’ll get to that) to block the back parking area. so, now i cant get to my allotted space, AND there are to be only 3 cars back there. now, had i have been able to get my car back there it would’ve made 4. you do the math, the guy who blocked parked one of his extra cars back there.

so-i block everyone in. i’m not gonna risk getting my car broken into, dinged, banged on the street if i really dont have to.

cut to-i got the shittiest sleep because i anticipated them having to take their kids to school and i was still home because i had no early clients so i knew i would be awakened.

*i apologize if this is excruciatingly boring to you, but this has been an ongoing saga for me since i moved in in september. and if you dont live in california (LA to be exact) you may not be able to appreciate the importance of parking. it is like air. (well, that was a little dramatic, but almost that).

this place that i live in is so beautiful! i have french windows everywhere, hardwood floors, crown molding…it’s a 1920’s spanish-style building.it’s not a castle by any means but its my home. i have made it my home. the energy is so good inside. and most importantly, i’m happy there. so it sucks to have even just one downside here because for me, it’s perfect.

there are 4 units and the other 3 are occupied by family members of the owners, then there’s lil ol’ me. so, by me blocking everyone in, i wasnt fucking over innocent by-standers. they all know the parking drama i have faced and are actually on my side. they have had to reprimand this grown man so many times regarding this parking.

now-i’m pissed.

as i go downstairs after he banged on my door at 7:35 this am, i decide to take pics with my phone.

he threatened to tow my car-good luck with all that.

hmmmm, now because of that, i’m not only dealing with parking issues that are unnecessary, i am now also being harassed for something he is at fault for…..

so, here’s where you come in. first off- if you rent and you have issues, you would be so amazed at the rights we have. the rules seem to have actually been put into place for our protection. so if you didnt know that, that’s your free nugget for today…

lastly, i just want to say thanks for being my documented audience today, thursday ,february 19th. you are my witnesses. thanks.

otherwise, my life is so sweet.