mundane…….i mean monday…

this is a late one…i stayed up pretty late last night (for a school night). im doing a lot of research on the tummy.

 

i went to my acupuncturist to see if i could soothe some of my unfortunate situation…and it was amazing!

 

she started poking my ears with needles. i asked her what she was doing. she said she was just redirecting energy to my stomach and intestines to aid the problem areas. as soon as she gave me her answer my stomach literally started growling and talking back to me. it was instantaneous. 

 

i havent ruled out the idea of a parasite either…could be a viable possibility. but thats a side note…

 

bad news is she said i definitely did damage from not eating for so long on the show. and now no matter how clean i eat my digestive system has to work overtime. 

anyway, so i start, of course, researching the metaphysical reasons for physical ailments.

 

there seems to be a correlation between the liver, colon  and spleen, all having to do with anger and fear. and feeling unsafe and holding on to indecision. 

 

ummm, wow. ok….

 

well, if that aint some shit. 

 

i offered all this to you today, because i knew your life wouldnt be complete unless i shared with you my digestive health.

 

welcome to a glimpse into my life via the colon….

 

peace…

 

 

n

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fah fah fah riday…..

ok, this is a big one….

im getting broken off by my author whom i read every morning. hes writing on how we control or try to control our lives. and how it simply is just coming from the mind.

he says that when we try to be too controlled, life in all its splendor will just pass us by because we are trying to have life conform to a certain mold. life refuses-so it passes “controlled” people by.

this is a hard one for me. i was reared to control everything. if i were acting up at a restaurant, my dad just needed to look at me a certain way-and i knew i needed to pull my shit together. i was also taught that 1+2=3…with everything. if i do this, then this will happen. if i act this way, i’ll get this…controlling every nuance of my life has been my mantra. but somewhere along the way i’ve neglected life to a degree.

frankly, i’ve been so controlled. i’ve kept my shit together when people have wronged me. i have been uber-stategic in certain areas of my life. i’ve calculated, and i’m tired of it. i want to relax a little and let life do it’s thing. it will ultimately take care of me so i can let go a little.

its perfect timing because its friday…i can let go a lot.

have a good one-

 

n.

hmmmmm…

so i was reading how people most often are closed. there are small moments in our lives where we choose to be open. open with friends, open with opportunities or closed to relationships, closed to ideas, closed to the concept of being vulnerable.

the reason we close off is out of fear that when we are open things we dont welcome can enter and take from us. this is a true and valid fear. i feel like things are constantly being taken from me or people are pushing their way in or an energy vampire has posted up in my space and pitched a tent. i can be the master of the close off. i actually operate very well that way i like to think. but the problem with that is im not truly living. im not open to all my potential to connect to life and its beauty. i know……just stay with me….im getting out there with it….

but maybe if i open up more more things are comfortable to coming to me and staying and posting up. good things, things that bring love and warmth to my life.

so my goal today is not to be closed off and at least fake the fact that i can be a mean ass bitch! 🙂 no, seriously, im making the choice to welcome goodness into my life today. and i wish goodness for you today too.

peace-

n.

just ok…

so i was reading today…and the author was talking about how pitiful it is to just exist in a state of “ok”. he says that if anything, be as miserable as possible or simply happy, but not just ok.

its dangerous to function that way, and i agree. this is important to me because ive been in this numb “ok” state for some time now. i have everything in the world to be “overwhelmingly joyous” about, but i still find myself  in the world of “just ok”. in this place i can see from the outside in that i am on auto pilot/zombie-like…in spiritual meatphysical speak:not aware.

there are moments at all seconds of the day where opportunities are presented to us, and if we are unaware we will completely overlook and dismiss those gifts. that is the danger in just ok or just whatever. so…my task now is to wake the fuck up and be ANYTHING but just ok.

challenge yourself if you find yourself here as well…OK?

n.

oh friday…..

good morning. worthless chatter today, people.

i finally slept well last night. i have not been sleeping well over the last couple of days. sometimes i feel very uninspired in my days, and sometimes i feel so anxious with so much excess energy i could be mistaken for a rowdy kindergartener with unbridled energy and focus. thats how ive been as of late. i sort of feel as if im about to birth a new idea or song or headspace even…”wait for it -wait for it…” so i got to sleep through it last night. so i feel great today and its friday…cant be mad at that.

you guys have a sweet weekend. make love. make laughter. spank someones ass in public, and if i give birth to something mind-blowing youll hear of it monday…

peace,

n.

hump day

do you ever have situations take place where you think to yourself, “hmmm, thats so awkward that could be written into a bad romantic comedy”?

well, welcome to natalie’s world yesterday…

i was locked away in my apartment after work taking pictures with my camera for a friend who’s posting stuff to craigslist. im literally snapping photos of the most random stuff.

my neighbor who is so close i would be able (and have heard) him having the most lame sex ever-leaves his bathroom window open. this in the past and recently has become somewhat disturbing to me…(flashback begins) its mid day on the weekend, i am actually allowed to sleep in…i  put a robe on, put on my monkey slippers,sleepily waltz into my kitchen start my coffee, yawn, and start thinking about how i want to completely waste my day. i go over to the fridge right next to the window to grab the soy milk, and WHAT!!!!!!!! i look over into the creepy neighbors exposed bathroom window and i see a head sitting and thumbing through a magazine….on the toilet…on his toilet…through my apartment window…which is my safe space. ladies, you can agree with me- i, we love our men. but i gotta tell you-if i go through the rest of my life never having to see a man sit on a toilet i will consider myself blessed. ive only seen it once (in an old relationship) its disturbing. i do not want to see that. and especially from a creepy neighbor that doesnt have the brain power to shut his window. WTF? so, back to photos yesterday…(fading back into real time)…so, im in my kitchen shooting away at stuff, now im just playing. im right in front of my window in front of his window, flash is firing, musics playing, then, BAM!!! i look over, my neighbor is bare chested (thats all i can see) drying his face as if he just stepped out of the shower. my breath escapes me. i suddenly feel as if im in a vacuum. the pressure in my ears change and there seems to be silence. he looks at me. has the nerve to look at me, as if i were maybe possibly enjoyably taking pictures of HIM. i am suddenly angered. i feel violated. i feel accused silently with a simple glare that i was now a violator. and i thought to myself, “this can not be happening!” so…i move to the other room, put on booty shorts, open all my curtains(especially the ones on the window right in front of my spin bike) and me and my little booty short ass ride and gyrate all over the seat of my spin bike for a solid hour and a half. my thought,”you wanna play this game punk???? game on. ”

happy humps.

n

monday, daylight savings monday…

im so glad to be here writing again. i took a week off. this is completely cathartic for me even when i have absolutely nothing to say. it is somewhat meditational, its quieting. yet also thoughts flow in and put a certain energy around my day.

so i went out here in LA on saturday night. i had a great time-was with friends,drank jonnie  walker king george V out of a flask, and ate a home made chocolate chip cookie at the end of the night…perfection.

until, daylight savings reared its ugly head. holy shit! all of the sudden i woke up on sunday and it was 11 am…i havent slept until 11 in i cant tell you how long. and that speed set the motion for the whole day. sunday was gone. but here we are. the good thing is we get more sun…which can never be a bad thing.

no segue here at all…

in my daily meditational crap i read the author says this: “a chaos at ease,thats how a person should be…when you carry a revolution within you, every moment brings a new world, a new life.”

he’s talking about how when everything is known or fixed the freedom is lost in that. when there is complete security there is bondage.

i feel like im going crazy because my life is so fixed, known, routine. i need to spice it up a little, take risks, breathe new air, and he said it, i have permission to be my own revolution.

thank god…revolt people, revolt…

peace-

n.