beauty on the inside…

it amazes me every single time…

the over-heard cliche, “beauty on the inside…” is not an old wives tale. its legitimate. there is truth in that statement.

i can wake up on the wrong side of the bed, and boy is everybody an asshole!!! i can ooze funky and everyone is funky back. 

i can wake up to birds singing, the sun shining, and with the proactive idea to meditate to clear the bugs, and man, life is wonderful! people are friendly, they hold doors open, say hi and don’t look at you like you’re an alien…weird, right?

so just as important for me to be healthy on the inside for me…maybe i should do the outside world a favor, and remember to continually work on myself on the inside. i am much more aesthetically pleasing. the look of “i will assassinate everyone!” seems to disappear. and all is well.

 

i dunno-food for thought.

 

n.

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hmmmmm, family ties…..

so, early may, my ma had her other (2nd) hip replacement. so i go to Texas to hang out with her and my pops. 

there are so many things that flood my heart and head as i am greeted by my daddy picking me up from the airport. he is tired. i can see it in his face. his knee hurts (he also needs a knee replacement). nonetheless, we talk all the way home. boy, has he softened. he’s such a gentle spirit now when as a kid i can remember fearing him with such a feverish reverence.

growing up where i grew up i am so thankful my parents let me express myself the way i needed to. they let me have every hair color under the sun and rip and tear every article of clothing as if to impersonate roberto cavalli design.

people rear their children to be like them. even as they say they dont, i feel parents approve when it aligns with their structure and plan. i cant say i wouldnt be the same way if i had children myself. so, we, the children grow up molding our lives and mannerisms somewhat in accordance to what our parents set before us.

my reason in writing…i feel like there’s somewhere in them a sense of giving up, or maybe theyre just too damn tired. i overheard my dad talking about 3 or 4 of his friends who had different kinds of cancers. my dad also said, “this gettin’ old crap ain’t for sissies…” and i believe him. even the things he LOVES more than anything are becoming a bit challenging for him. my mom is perpetually tired, and something arises in me that says, “no!!!! snap out of it!” this is a mannerism i dont want to adopt myself nor do i want them adopting these  beliefs.

i say all of this out of my own humanness as i fear them getting older.

my dad is such a great man. he is one of the few mens men left. he works hard, hes honest, he doesnt have to speak to just hear himself speak, and he always kept a safe roof over our heads.

my mom always puts us first. always puts my dad first, and still always has it in her to love. she is a good woman that taught us the value in strength. 

on a lighter note… i get the best sleep in my childhood room at home. its quiet, im safe because my daddy’s there, its quiet because we’re in the woods, and it’s raining. all the components that allow me to sleep til noon.

its an amazing feeling to go home and be with your parents and you can just be. 

 

i need to go home more often. plus, the motorcycle rides are forever callin’ my name.

 

i know this one was all over the place, but i wanted to write….

 

reflect on something you’re grateful for…all the great secrets are found in gratitude.

 

my love-

 

natalie.

so heavenly…

i love the rare occasions when i dont have early clients, because that means i get to continue the affair with my far too many pillows and cal king. what that actually looks like  is me spinning around like a helicopter and i can bet drool is involved, but its ohhh so heavenly.

so, i feel i need (on behalf of the ladies) talk about an issue that freaked me the f*** out over the last month and a half. guys, this may be of use so at least skim over and and see if anything sticks. its about women, moods, hormones, and sex…it affects you one way or another.

so, i got on birth control about a month and a half ago. did the whole gyno bit, told her about my pms, and cramps-so we decided the pill was an option. we thought YAZ because of the low dose of hormones. im the girl that doesnt like to wash her hair, doesnt wear deodorant, and uses oils to preserve my “earthy” essence. that being said, to actually put a synthetic hormone in my body seems almost sacriligious.

i was actually kind of secretly excited about this new endeavor-i thought it was going to be the miracle pill for bloating, mood, all the BS we deal with on the monthly.

week 1: life is grand, and i am larger than life. i noticed it was a diuretic, so i was always peeing (my thoughts:ooooh, no water weight, nice) my skin was developing a really nice glow..all in all, week was was perfection.

week 2: same, but even better skin, getting a lil snappy with my mouth (and if you know me-can be quite cutting with no need for enhancement via a drug) and boy, am i huuuuungry. i just want to eat because i have a mouth and there are restaurants with food so i can be served.

week 3: maybe its a good idea to start crying……alot. “hey nat, what are you gonna do this weekend?”…..i retort, “hey, yah, this weekend? i think im going to cry. yah ive got my whole weekend planned. no, i cant go to that really cool party, ive already made plans to cry.” and the food at this point OUT OF M*F* CONTROL! i literally had a friend drive me to get pizza, and nachos all to be washed down with a jar of pickle juice. (the pickle juice you cant hold against me, im from the dirty and thats just what you do). so, needless to say, im starting to freak out because i cant tell you the last time ive held a piece of pizza in my hands or even gotten acquainted with a friendly plate of nachos. ALARMED.

week 4: switch back to on top of the world, have glorious 2 day period (gotta love that) but nervous about the fact i cant get full. oh, now ice cream…i havent had ice cream in at least 7 years, but now HAD TO HAVE IT. my life at this point is a bad movie montage of star wars  starring me as jabba the hut, and willy wonka and im cast as violet beauregarde who blows up into an uncontrollably fat blueberry. being health conscious and very exercise driven this is crazy making for me. so midway through week four the tears again because, i mean, why not.

week 5 (new poison pack): go through the first 4 pills then i think to myself…leeeeeeet me google this junk. well, to my surprise and astonishment, there are web pages dedicated to the hatred of this pill and the side effects and countless women taking time out of their days to write down their intense loathing for this pill. i hate to say, i spent 4 hours reading and reading and reading.

needless to say, i am off the poison. i finally got smart after 5 weeks (im a little slow on the uptake sometimes) and now have been off about 5 days. i feel sooooooo much better.

i just wanted to be honest with you about this even though its really personal to me in case anyone out there is on or thinking of taking this birth control pill. one should do their own research BEFOREHAND-i actually didnt and it cost me. i know that all pills work differently with different systems. so as it was destroying mine it could very well enhance another. i just thought i was going crazy and never linked it to the pill. so theres my candid, unflattering personal experience that i have shared with you. 

have a gah-reat day!!!!!

 

peace-

n.

hi, its monday and ive been gone for a while..

well, its so good to finally get back to my keys to say “hey”.

 

congrats to the SURVIVORS last night…hard work, man, hard work! 🙂

well, i just wanted to briefly check in, say hi, and tap my fingers on this blog…

i hope you are all having a happy start to your week, damn can you believe it, its already mid may????? holy shit.

well, im going to finish my sausage, yes i’m a Texan, and then off to my day.

 

peace, and be goooooood 🙂

 

n.