feeling thankful…

i have to tell ya…i have had a rough time for the last couple of months. if you read any past posts, there was a birth control ish, lack of direction, anxiety, etc…

but as of late, ive been spending a lot of time reading and learning and absorbing…my brain has all of a sudden turned into a thirsty sponge…i cant seem to learn enough. i am now seeking. i think part of this shift is from me “cease-fighting” with the panic. 

i literally woke up one day and thought, “i refuse to put my body through this pain and toxic pressure, every time i feel panic…i will literally make myself feel the feeling and say the words ‘thankful’ and ‘gratitude’.”

 

just flip it.

 

the beauty in the  feeling  of panic is the gratitude that you will get through it…

 

and be all the stronger for it.

 

the universe is for us.

 

God, whatever that is to you, listens to our panicky bitches and moans even when we think we’ve been abandoned to our shitty apartment with pillows to drown our bellows…and absorb our punches…and the curtains that block the witness of a temper tantrum…

God is there…(s)he hears the little tears that slide down the cheek and smiles down because (s)he is eagerly waiting to help us stand back up and emerge with grace.

 

n.

1 thought on “feeling thankful…

  1. hi nat, just want to tell you that i’m a fan ever since day 1. Your writes have reached the shores of Philippines (yes i’m a Filipino), and i hope you just keep doing what you’re doing. Anyways, I have this big, fat, ugly, important test coming up and i’ve to go. God bless! 😀

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