one more for today…

so today im running on the treadmill at my over-the-top shit show of a gym…then, all of the sudden in walks an older man probably early to mid 70’s. ok, so what right? well, i have to say first off, i give props to older people working out in a gym that has so much stimulus, testosterone, and just “stuff” going on. secondly, i always watch people in front of me as i do cardio; it keeps me from thinking about the run (i dont have a runner’s brain). so, im admiring the older man getting on the elliptical, and look him over, and find that his whole calf from knee to ankle is covered in a tribal tattoo. ummm, ok. i didnt even register it for a minute because im completely desensitized by tattoos. i like them, i notice them, but then i go about my business. then, it finally did register. this guy is literally early to mid 70’s like i stated before and looks like anyones grandpa. so then like a creep as im running at 6.4, i hone in on his leg. luckily i didnt trip on my own feet. the tattoo is clean, lines are still sharp…so point being, it’s fairly new. it’s not a 50 year old forearm anchor like what my grandpa had. it was fresh.
still, point being, i want to be just like him when im his age.

i give him my admiration today. i thinks its beautiful that he is still making daring choices in his life. maybe it was his first audacious move ever in his life? or maybe hes an aries and has always been ruled by his innate fire? or maybe hes been on the fence between the two his whole life and decided to go big? or maybe its symbolic of something? maybe he spent his whole life taking his grandson fishing, and to repay the favor and time spent, the grandson took him to cool him out by getting him his first tattoo?
i know, im very involved in the evolution of this man and his tattoo, but its really beautiful that people have their own reasons for things, and we’ll never know what some of those reasons are. we all flutter around like butterflies living our lives, and then all of the sudden someone catches your attention. today for me was like walking around my neighborhood and peeking through the windows from the sidewalk (and let me specify, i dont cruise through the bushes or anything like that…i DO NOT leave the side walk, jesus). but just because im curious about how other people decorate, or just how they live intrigues me. and all you out there do the same shit too, so dont try to say you dont. we all have a little a little voyeur in us…its ok, but anyway, back to grandpa.

i feel like i got to see into a little window of this random man, doing his random things. but the simple difference is i paid attention to the minor detail that got me thinking and kept me entertained and entertained still, and it was nice. i would like to say “thank you” to him today for inspiring me. he doesnt and will never know that he made the slightest impact on me today just being him. i think he rocks, and he gives me something to look forward to when im in my “golden years”. “stay gold ponyboy, stay gold.”

be loved-

n.

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this is a total girl power post…

so Dino, save any sarcastic comments as i expect them, so the fun for you will be lessened anyway!

to all my ladies…

i have spent a life swinging on a pendulum of being too nice out of fear of being labeled a bitch…then, to find the pendulum come right back to a verbal point of no return and then….behold, the bitch.

my problem is this, i am really opinionated, (no, really?) my mama taught me that that was ok and even welcomed in her opinion. so therefore i am. well, it doesnt jive so well all the time, and people do make their pre-judgements. i have been victim to the pre-judge for my lack of smiling. but im actually really friendly. my point, i tend to overcompensate with making sure im nice to everyone…sometimes overly, because i worry that my “not smiling” will give the wrong idea. (and let me also insert that im not immune to casting my own pre-judgements, im not claiming to be a saint).

long story short, well sorta, my mom sent this email forward (i usually ignore forwards, just cuz). it was titled “bitchology” so i thought, “hey, what is this actually?”. i read it and thought i would pass it on to my ladies out there. enjoy.

and be your beautiful self!

n.

BITCHOLOGY

When I stand up for
myself and my beliefs,
they call me a
bitch.

When I stand up for
those I love,
they call me a
bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
or do things my own way, they call me a
bitch.

Being a bitch
means I won’t
compromise what’s
in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won’t allow anyone to step on me..

When I refuse to
tolerate injustice and
speak against it, I am
defined as a
bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone’s maid, or when I act a little selfish..

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly
am and won’t become anyone else’s idea of what they think I ‘should’ be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there
is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, just try to douse my inner flame, try to squash
every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won’t succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch ,so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

B – Beauty
I – In
T – Total
C – Control of
H – Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle ‘anything’

i wanna write a lil more…

i dont know what i wanna say.

i think since its raining i want to just zone out watching my fingers play these letter keys as if i were home playing my piano. i have to say im a quite graceful and rhythmic typer. 🙂 but like i said, i really have nothing to say.

i feel a little cleaner with the rain having touched down. in this city, there are a lot of angels, dreamers, schemers, thieves, and lovers. we need cleansing. we dont get it enough here. and ironically, the sunshine gets boring. it gets to be “too much of a good thing”. maybe people would argue with me on this, but the energy shift that takes place with a little chill and a sprinkle fascinates me. we all seem a little different. not bad, good, but different. its just something that intrigues me. i want to know if theres an actual chemical release with rain or is it a mental recess from what our eyes and senses live daily? people are nicer, it appears to be a little refreshing for all of us ( and as i say all of this you have to understand that here in LA it virtually NEVER rains, so bear with me). i especially love the rain because being from houston it rains all the time almost to an obnoxious level, and i love it. i feel safe in it.

one of my favorite memories was riding in the car with my mom and dad. daddy would be driving, it would be dark out, and i would lay down in the back seat, and fall asleep. i knew that with my daddy driving i would be safe, and the rain would hum me to sleep. one of my favorites. maybe i should fly him here when it rains to just drive me around the block once or twice and let it be my xanex.

thats what rain is to me. it refreshes me, it soothes me, and it makes the day just a little different than yesterday.

bien martes,

n.

i had a star sighting yesterday….

so i went and had dinner alone (my friends always freak out when i tell them i eat alone…i dig it actually). so last night i am waiting to order and a really nice guy says “you should go ahead, i cant decide.” i look and my eyes and brain were trying to process who and where and all that.

my brain triggered the familiarity of this face, but my eyes expected to see him upside down hanging from a bunk bed saying “whatsa happenin, hot stuff?” hahahaha…it was long duck freakin dong…. long duck dong. if youre a girl, you probably know sixteen candles and jake quite well. if youre a dude, you probably remember just the simple quest of a red headed molly ringwald. not much remembering what she was doing, just paying attention to the fact that she was red-headed…

that was my big day yesterday. i thought id bring back a little 80’s nostalgia with my “star-sighting”…props to long duck dong…

thats all i got about that.

its raining in the city of angels…the angels dont cry on us a lot here but when they do its heavenly.

peace-

n.

avoiding work today…

so, thank god i never went to the school my mom wanted me to go to in high school…the college prep where you work at your own pace….its sounds perfect if you know anything about me, BUT i wanna do what i wanna do when i wanna do it…and school work, that wouldve been a disaster. ummm, i have a problem focusing on the research needing to be done…but i am actually chipping away one step at a time.

i just got suckered into just perusing the itunes store…..dammit, thats always a problem. its like going to wal-mart for 3 items and you end up spending a hundje. i will say this, i grew up on mariah carey, and didnt love anything really after her “vision of love” “emotions” days…but her new album is so good. every track has something to offer. it gets my vote fo sho! she just does it. i cant even list all the good tracks…its all of em. get it, nick must be doing her somethin’ proper.
oh, while im on the music train…i also love brett dennen “follow your heart”, and jose gonzalez’s cover of “heartbeats”

anyhoo-

i just want to say hi, its been a few.

im sitting here, at the trendiest most scene-y coffee shop, probably on the planet. and usually, when i get completely consumed watching people watch me watching people -today is different. i have on rose colored glasses. i usually have a love-hate relationship with los angeles. always have and probably always will. but not today.

today i am open.
im open to allow people to be nice to me and for me to be nice to people. im so guarded.
but not today.
someone has let me borrow their headphones (to listen to my new mariah album). someone offered their seat to me. and i had a great lil fruit salad. hmmm….i would like to venture somewhere in my mind to say, “wow, people are really nice TO ME today.” but somehow this kidding myself does not suffice. meaning, i feel the truth is, when “amber is the color of my energy” people ,in turn, are different. so energy out is energy in. and im not at all saying that im usually a miserable sap, im just usually so self-involved and in my own head i really dont even pay attention to other people outside my scope. but today im relaxed and not self-consumed at all right this moment, and its refreshing to mix among the truly beautiful people in this town. they are here. i am here. just an observation.
i have to check myself out-loud sometimes. i “get it” better sometimes when my fingers have to type or write out these observations. maybe i had to write a lot of sentences on the chalk board when i was younger and being punished (which punishment was quite often :(). and thats how i can process my own growth, who knows… “i will not push jason off the monkey bars.” “i will not push jason off the monkey bars.”…hmmm, now that i think of it, that only works because im no where near monkey bars…ever.

whatevs…enjoy your sabbath tomorrow.

n.