“I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink to a grain of sand. henceforth will i apply all my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and i will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.”-og mandino.
about 12:45 yesterday afternoon, i was really starting to resent my “purpose” in getting my ass up a mountain.
clarifying: like a sheep led to slaughter, not feeling too confident in my ability to make educated decisions, i agreed to climb mt. san jacinto in palm springs/palm desert yesterday (elevation 10,834 feet). i had climbed pike’s peak in colorado (elevation 14,110 feet) in ’95, yah, you got it, 14 fucking years ago. i havent climbed since. i took some vintage merrel/ll bean shoes i bought for a potential halloween costume and that was the extent of my prepping.
so, smoothly calculated on the part of my friend, it was a casual, “hey, so u wanna climb a mountain? its not a big deal, really.” so, heres where the dumb sheep (me) enters. “yah, tooootally, its all good…”
hike starts 9:16a
ok, so…weve been doing this for a little over an hour.
“how much longer?”
“oh, a couple more hours…”
“hmmm, ok. hmmmmmm….” (you can actually hear my brain starting to grind a little…
back at it.
recharge wearing off.
ok, at this point, im really starting to think that this 15 pound albatross (backpack) im tugging around is a cruel joke that god is playing on me.
my friend suggested i could drop my pack and we could get it on the way down if i wanted. i said no.
again a little further, “do you wanna drop your pack? we’re not going to summit in time-we’ll have to stop and head back before sunset…”
shit. so now i have a decision to make. do i stay prideful and rob him of summitting because im selfishly sitting in my ego? im not one for shortcuts. its not even an option to drop the pack. he can carry his all the way; i can carry mine all the way. only option? for me to dig in and do it. period.
kept the pack.
climbing this mountain paralleled so much for me my survivor experience. as much as i wanted to bitch and moan, because thats what i do, it was pushing me. it was forcing me to “man-up” and go forth. same with survivor. i could have bitched and moaned for 37 solid days, but how could i when i was given such a gift to witness my own potential in that space and time? it was a gift.
the mountain was a gift to me.
second time ive seen or stepped on snow.
im really thinking ok, do “i reaaaaally need to summit?” but i dont do things half ass. my egos really good for that. when my mind is playing devils advocate such as, “its not a big deal, youre tired, just the experience alone is great in itself, you dont have to summit…” thats when my very big ego shows up, comes in and says, “hey, bitch, get your winy-ass up to that summit and how dare you even consider stealing this experience from yourself!”
i did it.
i stood on the second highest point in southern california. quite a large, breath-taking vantage point i must say. no one can ever take that away from me. no one can steal that from me. its mine.
absorb the beauty.
thank my body for performing.
harder than the trek up.
knees bending and crying.
toes going on strike.
but…as much beauty is in the summit, i liked the burn of each individual step. head down, silence, one step at a time. nothing else. stop occasionally to appreciate what were doing it for…the view, but back quickly to one step at a time.
one step at a time, (as the quote says ‘apply all my efforts’)
and i got there. now if i could apply this philosophy in my life, small steps, one by one, thats it-i could be queen.
i will be reflecting on this ideal for a while, as it is a life-task for me.
everyday we have opportunities to make real our potential. but we overlook. and sometimes we need to be removed from the norm and forced into a completely different environment to become aware of our strength and character.
as the quote states, ‘i will strain my potential until it cries for mercy,’ yesterday i strained my body and i must attest, my toes were crying for mercy. but having strained my physical and mental self, today i feel strong. i feel solid. i feel achieved.
everyday, if we were to strain our potential until its literally begging for us to let up…after a week, or a month, or 5 years of that unwavering relentless push of potential…where would we be?
probably on the top of a mountain looking down at the bottom, where our seed of potential began.
thank god for my experience yesterday… 😉