holy shit it’s been a hot minute…
i will just confess my feelings to you…
i feel all over the place. i feel my life is not my own. i feel as if im in a hazy dream that seems a bit familiar but with a cloudy silk screen obstructing a clear view.
ive lived in LA a while now. and i am quite introverted so it has taken me probably a bit longer than everyone one else to create my support system or lifeline. as of late, i have lost a few of those lifelines. you know how life goes…it has its funny way of pushing you in different directions all to wait and see the reason for your parting dances.
i wished one of my dearest friends off sunday night and again monday morning. we (the 3 of us who held down the local bar of regulars for 6 growth-filled years) met at our neighborhood coffee spot mixing tears with coffee and poignant moments of nostalgia. we were all babies when we met, and as sunah said, “mostly emily…” sunah and i were already unfortunately walking a little wounded when we met. emily on the other hand, was blue-eyed bright and the sweetest person God ever constructed. but we were all a little greener, more innocent, and we were meant to help each other. we were meant to love each other. we were destined to see each other through heartache, complete and utter devastation, answer questions honestly and not so honestly, and praise the other when little victories were won. these girls know more about me and how to deal with me more than just about anyone else. there are a few others…but they know how to make me feel my truth, and call me on it when its less than satisfactory, and pull me up when my world had all but fallen apart. ive got a very small family here in LA, and these girls are in that handful. one is here, 3 streets away as the other is hopefully resting her head in between arizona and colorado…her heart is in my heart. she remains close. because when you have loved there is a seal that can never be severed-no matter distance, circumstance, or perspective. we are all one. our souls connect and remain always bonded.
we are together.
i am a little girl who suffers from the fear of being abandoned and left all alone, but its bittersweet to see her drive away with tears because i know she is off to do what she needs to do, and i am so ever proud.
“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”-Pericles
thank you for being my friend.
all my love to you…
n.
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