its 11:40 pm…

im headed out…maybe with my group, maybe with fellow travelers ive met along my journey…i havent decided yet. but its a beautiful windy night here…….

all is good in this magical city…….

paz-

n.

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im devastated.

ive been here now 2 and a half days i guess…and last night after shooting pics all day we go out to a clubs grand opening. we had our own VIP section and our own security, but towards the end of the night people started coming into our space.

if you know me at all, i am compulsively OCD. i dont lose anything. i dont misplace things, and i can tell if someones moved something of mine in the slightest bit (a little ‘sleeping with the enemy’ kinda shit).

with that being said. i had been taking the most amazing fotos with my camera. then random people starting coming through our area (security mustve been over his securing at this point). and as i was getting ready to snap more pics-my camera was gone. 😦 im soooooooo upset. and my camera being stolen has absolutely nothing to do with the tequila i was drinking. ;-/

i have literally been walking around the city of barcelona sitting on random peoples unattended motorcycles and taking pics. i wanted to see how many motorcycles i could sit on before someone caught me or got pissed. so im going to have to re-document that feat, as my proof is now gone (i know, sooo unimportant, but pictures are everything to me). we also went to the beach and saw amazing sand castles which i captured, and museums, and cathedrals…i need to stop now before i have a panic attack…

but its a lesson i need right now, i presume. the lesson in letting go.

i could literally obsess about this if i wanted to, but i have to choose to “let it go”. i feel a lesson in it for some reason…

i guess i cant complain too much, im getting to be an exchange student in my life lessons as i get to “study” abroad…not a bad trade off i guess.

so i will have amazing pics to show you at some point…promise.

mi amor a ti para siempre…

ciao-

natalia.

these next few…

are gonna be short n sweet….i have so much to do/see/experience/savor that i gotta take in barcelona like a drug.

fast and deep.

we just arrived last night late from munich. whatever last night was, and whatever today is for that matter….

we went to the W hotel here.

barcelona is stunningly clean. its beautiful.

i had the pleasure of watching vicky/cristina barcelona before i left…im a little vicky, im a little cristina, and a pinch of crazy maria elena (penelope cruz). i dont know just an observation… 😉

watching the movie before i arrived, i got to see and be briefly educated on barcelona and what to do. i definitely want to go to the gaudi cathedral, picasso and dali museums, and i wanna do crazy street shopping…i street shop in every country…i cant not shop.

so now im off…and will report back…

all my love.

n.

im running…

around like a headless chicken….im leaving for LAX in an hour.

not packed.
nowhere near.
i get panicked “committing” to a set wardrobe…..

off off and away…..

“im leaving on a jet plane………….”

ill be sending love and good vibes as i eat the hell out of paella!!!!!

peace, and all my love to you…..

n.

i SHOUUUUUULD be…..

preparing for my long, international flight tomorrow. buuuuut, i am so happy tooling around my house, listening to music, and enjoying my “space”. i feel accomplished today as i got so much shit done, and that always puts me in a stellar mood.

i dont even have anything to say (i think i say that a lot here dont i?) ….crickets…

ok-

the night before i flew back to LA i got so so so sick. and a little fun fact about natalie…i have a phobia with vomiting. i think thats why ive never allowed myself to get completely shit faced to the point of sloppy vomiting because if creeps me out. i cant hear it/i cant see it, it literally makes me hyper-ventilate. i would rather die a slow death than to throw up. wow, thats a lot about all that …you get my point.

well, back to the story…i got violently ill to the point of throwing up. we cant decide if it was food poisoning or a virus going around Houston (my dad was told something was going around). well, of course, during “vomit devastation 2010” i was almost crying because im a pussy.

cut to sleeping the whole day before i flew out in the evening. it wore me out. 😦

i return here, and i was talking to my amazing mentor about the situation, and everything leading up to. i told him how i was eating well, ordering steamed veggies, salads, and nibbling off my moms fried food here and there (i did down a huge basket of onion rings w help from mom and dad). when we were eating the rings, i told my parents, “this is probably the most fried food ive had in more than 8 years combined.” and it wasnt even a lot per se. as i was talking to my mentor he said, “maybe its a testament to how trained you have your body to feed and use nourishing food. im pretty strict with what i eat. i dont do boxed food. i dont do processed food. i go through cleansing periods where i wont eat meat to give my liver a break. pretty much if it has chemicals or doesnt grow from the earth it doesnt go in my mouth. he said, ” your body may have just refused to metabolize the ‘junk’ you put in your body. it rejected what was not up to par with its standards and those standards were created by you.”

hmmmm. i thought about it. maybe he was right. so what do i do??? i take it a step further.

what about the standards we set for our lives? our bodies? our minds? our hearts? our spirits and souls? are we setting the standards high enough, and if so, can we detect in time the junk that we may decide to nibble on? what are we establishing as nourishment in our lives? what are we feeding off of? do we eat up drama like a 1 lb. bag of doritos? do we self-sabotage? and when we do, does it feel so numbing like a needle to the vein?

how do we create the healthy lives, thoughts, and actions that serve us to our best potential?

with training.

as i have trained my body to decipher the desire-able and undesire-able foods i want to intake, i am now training myself for the elements i want to intake or dispel from my existence and overall periphery. i can either eat/live in sludge or i can eat/live in purity, nature, harmony and balance. its my choice, and i hold the power.

just “food for thought” no….pun intended. wink. 😉

so here i am tooling around my place probably not doing what i should be doing….but whats up with the word “should” anyway???

next pic you might get is me dancing around in fuzzy slippers and pj’s.

only take in the beauty-you deserve that.

n.

be on the lookout for pics from barcelona……coming soon….

xxo-

my heart is full…

i just arrived back in los angeles after being in the “lonestar state” for 5 days with my folks.

its such a retreat for me to be with them. its refreshing/relaxing and therapeutic for me. as soon as im around them, i am able to go directly to “the baby” mode. im a grown-ass woman, but i still get a relief from my stress in my life when im with mom and dad. this is healing for me. i get a brief moment in time to forget all my stress and worry. i dont have to be Natalie the single-self-supporting, bill-paying, worry-case/nut-job, am i gonna make something of myself, natalie. i just get to be the baby. i get to just be.

i always feel a comfort when my mom stops what she’s doing to make me some coffee, or cater to my every need. and i’ll never feel more safe ridin’ in a car than when my daddy’s at the wheel. this is the way it has always been, and this is the way it is to be.

now to broaden the scope-maybe as i return to LA, i can view this in a spiritual sense. i can allow the universe (mother nature and the gods at be) to work for me. i can allow the universe to do what it needs to do to provide me all the necessary things i am to have, attain, and be gifted in this lifetime. i can stop trying to control every little movement. i can quit white-knuckling everything and breathe. just like my mama always takes care of me…the universe always takes care of me.

and i can feel safe knowing there is a God/Force that is in control. just like i feel safe when my dad is at the wheel or im on the back of a cycle with him, God is directing my way. i can relax and have peace knowing that i dont have to be in control. there is a force that knows better than i, and i can find comfort knowing i dont have to do it all alone. there is strength that comes from knowing that what is, is supposed to be in this very moment.

feeling the parallel of this safety, peace, and refreshing, i am back in LA with a renewed sense of energy and electricity.

and i know the city of angels always welcomes me back with open arms….

peace-

n.

i love my family…

my parents were babies when they were having babies. im older than what they were when they had me and i cant even fathom having a child of my own right now or anytime in the near future…i dont know, maybe if the right one came along that would change for me, but up ’til now and even still i have absolutely no desire to be a parent. none of this is my point though.

ive been with my mama and daddy for 4 days now. we’ve been vintage shopping, car-scopin’, and just sitting around talking. im having such a wonderful time. we are all hangin’ out like adults. its glorious, and im realizing that they didnt do such a bad job.

this trip has been amazing.

my awareness and respect, and love for the parents who brought me into this world has deepened and solidified itself to my core. and i sit here in this log cabin listening to the wild texas wind cry, and i am truly grateful.

call your parents, send them a card, take a little time to appreciate all their choices-the good ones and the bad. they are your legacy.

peace-

n.