im pissed.

ive gotten my panties all twisted now because ive been thinking on some issues that have presented themselves to me.

let me back story a little bit.

im such an extreme loyalist. ask my friends, ask my family, ask people that float in my atmosphere. i will bleed myself out to help a friend or loved one. (almost to the point of fucking myself over….gotta work on that). i am all about justice. and if i encounter someone that cant take care of themselves or who has been victimized i dont hesitate to jump in. sometimes this is good, sometimes i need to chill out.

i have teenage girls that read my blogs. they also have requested me on facebook. needless to say, i have developed relationships with people through this computer screen.

i always wanted to be a big sister. never was, and im such an attention whore that if my parents did actually have another kid after me i probably wouldve shit myself and it wouldve been all out war. (at least i can admit my weaknesses 🙂 )

anyway, i like to take people under my wing.
and offer advice…(i know so scary to receive my direction right…?)

anyway, i got a message last night from a friend* who is having trouble at home. she is having problems with her family situation and i assume feels that she has no voice.

i was always raised to respect your elders. the Bible even says it. i get it. EVERYONE should be respected, so like i said, i get it.

but parents, respect your children. pay attention to what they are crying out for. listen to what their needs are. love them like children, but treat them as highly functioning human beings because thats what they are. honor your children as they can in fact honor you in return. one begets the other.

LISTEN to your children.
INVEST in your children.
they are your divine legacy.
they are what is marking this world and your great work in this lifetime.
HONOR yourselves by honoring them.

we all start with a full capacity to love as infants. then through shit and turmoil and happenstance we begin to close off our love to those around. and by the time we become adults to have children of our own, we have forgotten how to extend this love that seems to be gone at this point. fill your kids up with love. fill them back up. they will receive it, i promise.

i am not by ANY means coming down on parents. kids need to recognize as well, who is boss at the end of the day. its that simple.

i remember i kept shitting on my curfew at one stage in my rebellion. my dad came and hunted me down (he always had the sick intuition of a woman. there was no hiding from the small asian man with super powers). we were in his truck driving home down I-10 east, and he said, “natalie, this isnt burger king, you cant have it your way.” now, i look back and i craaaaaack up, because it was quite clever to use a commercial catch-phrase at the time in a severe reprimand. very creative. but at the time, i snapped to because i knew he would light me on fire if i didnt get the memo quickly and on his time frame. it was a blessing i know NOW, that i was given boundaries. otherwise, i wouldve been hell on wheels (more so than i am now, and nobody would be able to appreciate that). it takes a lot im sure to be a parent. more than i can even register in my own feeble, selfish mind.

and i just want to say, i dont have kids of my own for this very reason. i dont know what i want from day to day much less having it together enough to provide for a little one….no thanks, i dont wish that pressure on anyone as i feel i would fall short. so, mad respect to parents who work their asses off, put hot food on the table, manage a family and a household, and still find time to drop the rat off to ball/dance/piano practice. i couldnt do it.

all i want to encourage here is that if there is any little extra inside, transform it into a listening ear, a dollop of new found respect, or even just a securing hug. thats all.

and kids….quit jackin around….be kind.

all my love-


i usually dont…

blog twice in a day.

but im up, its 10:40 pm and i just made the executive decision to have a double espresso. awesome for my sleep cycle, but even more awesome for when i have to wake up at 6 having been cracked out til about 2 or 3 am…anyway, my decisions are owned by my own responsibility….

i heard tonight something that stuck out to me; it was quite beautiful actually, and it got me thinking.

“native americans believe that in the wild when one is poisoned, its remedy can be found just a few feet away. the earth supplies close by, the counter opposite of the poison with its remedy.”

ok, thats rather magical.

and its hopeful. not an empty hope, but a harmony and balance sort of hope. ive been really learning this year that the universe in all its splendor is divinely self-correcting and perfect. i keep going back to this because in the learning of this and reaaaaally digesting this understanding-my life is changing right before me. things arent soooo stressful, life isnt so hard, and i dont have to sweat the small stuff. and mind you, i feel for those out there who are dealing with REAL problems. i am aware of the stream of blessings i get to swim in. and i am grateful. but the universe is so able to offer us everything we need. is it possible that we would be presented with a problem that we also wouldnt be given the solution for? i confidently say no. just as a poison or a situation taints our reality for however long, right around the corner at some point and time we will be offered the remedy. i firmly believe this.

the Bible says in the contemporary translation version of (The Message), 1 Corinthians 10:13

“No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; He’ll always be there to help you come through it.”

God/Universe/Whatever…its all ONE to me. heres the bottom line: whatever we are going through it will never be beyond what we can handle. and He will show up, the Universe will unfold in the perfect time before we break our backs. in a perfect holy instant we will be given relief. trust this. im choosing to trust this. its working for me so far.

and maybe the native americans were onto something not looking too far off to find the answer they needed.


ne ta li-(my cherokee name)

a shout out to my heritage…part of it anyway :)…… (im cherokee and comanche…my great great great grand-something, quanah parker..he never lost a battle to a white man….im just saying, talk about God on your side…and this is my blood, and im grateful.)

i got…

sooooooo much stuff done today.

i was finally productive.

ive had a hard time diving back into the grind from my travels this summer. i drove here, shot off this email, connected with this person over a business venture and set up meetings for later this week….nice. i feel good.

it started off as an overcast day in the city of angels, then the sun peeked through, and now its having the idea to retire soon.

i just wanted to check in.

i want to leave you with my favorite poem of all time. no reason really just because.


“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!”

–Rudyard Kipling

“If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you”-trust your heart. it always tells you the truth…people can mislead, they can offer unsolicited, biased advice. your heart always knows your true north.

“If you can wait and not be tired by waiting”-im being patient for certain things right now. im tired of waiting for it, but i wait and truly dont tire of it….because i know the juice is worth the squeeze.

“Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies”-people will always have some shit to say….who cares if you know that your own level of integrity is up to par. and just dont deal in lies. always choose truth it will set you free.

“Or being hated, don’t give way to hating”-theres a thin line between love and hate. if youre being hated on…that means there is a level of love because they are taking the energy to hate soooo much….and if youre giving way to hate…ponder on it and extend love instead.
“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same”- rejoice in the valley as you rejoice at the peak. you cant have one splendor without the other. they are both just as vital.

“If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch”-stay true to who you are in the mix of anyone. hold your own in any crowd. and remember where you come from no matter what that looks like. basically, choose humility and avoid getting too big for your britches.

“If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you”- you cannot be attacked unless you view something as an attack. choose not to see it that way. choose to see someone through their playing small at that moment. dont allow yourself to be attacked. rise above an offense. we are in fact divine.

“If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run”- suck everything you can out of the day. exhaust all your potential to be happy in this life. work for what you want. if you want to build an empire…work tirelessly until you see your kingdom. if you want the greatest love ever known to your heart…work at exposing yourself and open up…use every bit of energy you have in tearing down the walls that want to build themselves around your happiness. make it happen. it depends on you.

i really have no point to any of this other than posting a pic of me running errands today attempting/succeeding at being productive…..finally, and sharing my favorite poem with you….well, one of my top 3….

and i believe in you….and i believe in me….this is a great format to live by….it challenges me everyday….i dont know “IF” i will ever master all at the same time….ill have fun trying though…




saturday early evening…

my process today was this…

decided against the emmy parties in vegas. stayed in LA for the first weekend in a hot minute.

went to venice with a bestie, had lunch, cracked ourselves out on peets coffee, and back home.

i had a 3 and a half hour physical therapy session yesterday to fix my back sitch. the guy who worked on me is a modern day healer….sort of blown away by him!!! he truly has healing hands. 🙂

so needless to say, im beat up today. im chilling in my space. and im gonna write, read, chill, and make love to my tv…..i need to sit in my space. and maybe go on a dark full moonlit walk through my ‘hood.

happy saturday night to all…..whatever you do tonight, whomever youre with or without…..

exercise love.
offer love.
make crazy love.



ok so heres the skinny…

ive been laid out for three days since cabo when our demon boat driver pulling our ‘banana torpedo gone wild’ decided to sprout horns. we all got thrown into the water. 2 of us twice, me being one of them. my back went ahead and told me “to go stick it”.

its actually a blessing in disguise that im a prisoner to my place. im slow moving, but attacking all the images around here that are the face of my procrastinations. its getting handled. the order is coming.

divine order.

order in my home in LA-and order in my spirit aligning to its bliss. my higher order, YOUR higher order is to follow our bliss. this is our first birthright- peace and happiness. God wills for us to be wholly perfect.
A Course In Miracles says, “What God has given you is truly given, and will be truly received. your receiving completes His giving. for you will be wholly in God. to be wholly like to Him, completing Him by your completion.” whoooooooooooooa!!!!! did you read that??? “YOUR RECEIVING COMPLETES HIS GIVING. COMPLETING HIM BY YOUR COMPLETION.” we are needed and mandated to receive His gifts. only in our receiving what we deserve is His giving made complete. He wills us to be perfectly complete. as we walk complete and whole we then complete HIM. WE are NEEDED for these functions. this is probably the most epic thing ive ever read. just sit on that shit for a bit…. let it marinate.

ill keep writing….

im a wild unbridled horse that is far more purposeful running into the horizon feeling the wind through my hair (or mane actually. have you seen my wild unwashed hair lately? hot mess) than kickin it in the stable. or better yet, a ferrari is far more in its function being maxed out on a track than being pristinely protected and housed in a garage. a wild horse follows its bliss daily. and my gypsy heart is alive again beating out of my chest, and remembering the feeling of what bliss following feels like. its all coming back to me now.

my point in all of this-if i can have you remember and hear one thing that i would ever say to you, its this: prayer and meditation work. and God* becomes complete in your completeness. He longs for you to realize your wholeness. His giving is made complete only by you receiving the desires of your heart that He is so ready to offer you. His desire is to give to you. He’s waiting on standby for you to call out to Him.

* (implement universe, life force, higher power-whatever verbage you choose to enlist).

this is where its at people. im literally watching the order of my life play itself out like a kick ass video using time lapse. the sprout turns into a tree that grows leaves that bloom then die. or the sun speeds to race around the earth to catch the moon that does the same thing keeping perfect time. its all happening. and my chest is opening up.

and let me just say that im not the annoying girl thats always shitting rainbows. ive seen very dark days. but ive been asking every morning that i would see things differently. when i see a problem arise i ask to see it better and more clearly for what it is, because its not just a problem, there is a lesson also. my view and outlook has changed, and i feel like im on a magic carpet ride.

so if your in a dark day, ask to see it more clearly and more through larger eyes, because our sometimes limited sight dampens things even more so.

i am grateful for my dark days because they make these bright days even more brilliant. only having known sorrow can one know joy. Kahlil Gibran also said, “The deeper sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain.” so wherever you are right in this moment be grateful. for the one always makes the other possible. one cannot exist without the other.

watch your life unfold. because it is unfolding right in front of you….and take a breath because its yours. and its the miracle of perfect order.

i want to shout out to my swedes. tomorrow (for us) today already for them (friday and saturday) is their midsummer….the sun will never go down for more than 24 hours….. its their summer solstice. talk about brilliant and bright…… here from LA.



“your heart wild as the wind…”