its middle of the day on hump day…

nothing unusual.
nothing spectacular.
nothing life changing.

however, i am so excited…im taking a drive. im leaving soon to beat the rush hour 405 traffic, and im headed nowhere….all i know is that im headed south to a coast. im packing up and taking my man to the beach. why? because i can.

i feel at times we are hamsters on a wheel, or said poetically by Billy Corgan, “rats in a cage”. but not today…im rebelling and forging a resistance against cage life on this idle wednesday. therefore in a few hours it will be me, my dude, and the beach. maybe a few rocks, and a blanket, but not much more. these are the moments in which i am grateful. the little things. the small things i have that create a big life for me.

-enough gas in my tank (which is a blessing these days with these prices ;-p)
-a little candlelit dinner, oh and yes its coming, wait for it, wait for it….and a walk on the beach. (i cant be uber-masculine ALL of the time….being a girl from time to time keeps things interesting to say the least…)
-a beautiful coast to look at, free of charge
-and people around me that care for me.

these are the small things. the tiny fibers that meld, join, and harmonize for the creation of a big big life for me.

there is nothing i could want for in this moment. i share so many times in my posts my struggles and challenges, and in this very moment i have no friction. everything is in sync.

take just a second to look at your tiny grooves and lines that form the masterpiece of your life. for some of you that could be your career (your purpose), your children, your spouse that you argued with this morning that you actually love more than breath itself. your cat that is so aloof you keep begging for its validation….all these things. tiny, beautiful, little, perfect pieces. these are the fibers. wrap yourself up in this blanket even if for just a second, and you will soon remember how big your life truly is. take a breath and in that breath there will be so much thanks and happiness.

we could all use a little extra happiness, no? well, its there just waiting for us to acknowledge its existence.

make joy-
make peace-
make smiles-
and make love….(maybe on the beach……..)

always make love.

n.

im re-reading “the four agreements”…

and damn, im having such a hard time already with the first freakin’ agreement!

it is “be impeccable with your word”-meaning…our words are so powerful. and impeccable means “without sin”. not sin like you hear “sin and go to hell”, but sin as in “to go against yourself”.

impeccable with my word.

hmmm…..

my thoughts, i know are so powerful, and also are my words. it is so important for me to protect my own power that i unleash verbally. i can bring heaven into my reality or greet hell. its all up to the words i choose to speak. do i want to spit venom or do i want to be bountiful with blissful words therefore creating heaven for myself and those around me?

its a very very powerful concept, and not only a concept but universal law. it can change EVERYTHING!

i used to have an ex-boyfriend who used to tell me to “lock it up!”…and as that phrase would send me over the edge in which i would yell at the top of my lunges for him to go f*&$ himself, i now reluctantly say, it has some truth.

power is in having the self-control, the self-discipline, and the self-awareness and protection to not allow negative harmful words leak through your lips.

there is power in “locking it up”…(i slip all the time and sometimes love a juicy gossip session) but its not worth it. and when i do get back to the awareness of making every word serve me and how i want to see my world, my world actually turns out to be rather beautiful.

my first agreement with myself this week is to be impeccable with my word.

wish me luck.

that means no one gets to hear about whos pissing me off, whos ass id like to beat or how the checker at the grocery store snubbed me. i dont get to say it, therefore soon enough i wont even think of it…thats how powerful we are. we can CREATE whatever we choose to create. its up to me…

and its up to you…

create something beautiful.

love to you-
n.

19 minutes…

until my computer dies and (im too lazy to plug it in)…

i just want to say that im thankful for the people in my life who offer me love and also receive mine. love is a gift. it is a gift to give it and have it received wholly by another. and its a treasure to have loved lavished on me.

so just a few words: LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.
-Mother Teresa

love until it hurts…..only then does the pain go away…….

n-

halfway…just ridin’ the fence…

a lot of the time in life i feel “half way”.

i lease cars (because they can be written off for my company come tax time, and if i get bored a new one is right around the corner within months). i rent a place (because im not in a financial position to own a home in Los Angeles, nor do i want the responsibility right now either). i dont even like getting manicures because i dont want to commit on a color of polish for an extended period of time…catch my drift? a lot of my life is for rent, because i do it halfway.

ive got other areas of my life in which i fully give to. the ones i love. my spiritual practice (that ones mandatory or i will self destruct). my work. and my desire to always be learning…something, anything.

as i find myself, well, all of us, are now halfway in the year. its a time of reflecting what went on in the first 6 and whats to come in the next…and i have to say, i need to “kick it up a notch”. i have been halfway with many things which in turn doesnt arrive me at a location, im still circling the block. i want to spend the next few weeks strategizing my strides, and the direction in which i will move. and as im doing this, i have decided to “purge” the unnecessary-“trim the fat”, if you will. i have FULLY committed to turning my place upside down ridding myself of clothes and i havent worn (lets face it, as bad as it hurts, my impulse buy will NEVER get worn if it hasnt yet). im on day 3 now of the clearing. its no small task, i tell you, no small task.

its a sort of cathartic thing actually. i feel like im really accomplishing something. i know, big dreams here, right??! but its killer to be able to see progress right in front of you. and im still in the phase of “worse before it gets better”, and thats ok.my home looks like a devastation site and its ok, because i know sunshine peers behind the clouds :). we seem to many times go through life and not get the little check ins of progress made until the end is reached. so im enjoying the process in this. besides, im clearing so much physical space. i can make room for my life, and not keep it clogged with unused stuff, along with the “feel good” of donating to someone who could really use the stuff im indifferent about.

i have to now say, this forces me to look at my mental clutter and investigate what needs to go. whats taking up space in my mind and whats weighing down my heart? whats contributing to an energy leak thats blocking me and keeping me in a state of halfway? so often i spend precious energy and mental space focusing on things that just drain that when an opportunity presents itself, im too spent to invest in it.

im clearing the clutter, im trimming the fat. we’re halfway through this year. no time is better than now to assess where weve been and where we wanna go.

clearly and weightless.

i am FULLY tired of halfway. tired of riding the fence. and its a great feeling…to FULLY be over it. besides, the only thing that i wanna be riding is my boyfriends…..(get your head out of the gutter)…DUCATI…

theres so much natural disaster going on globally that there is a place for everything. today i am committed to making my headache someone elses heaven……

peace to you on tuesday-
n.