exhale…

just in time…i can exhale.

ive had a few rough couple of months. ive been tested and tried. we all have right?! this isnt a sob story of pity or poor me, but sometimes the shit stinks more than usual. and for me personally right now, a 200 lb rottweiler took a dump and the sun came out just to heat it up as i seem to walk by minding my own…

BUT the more important part is the exhale that i even started this blog with.

a few days ago as i made a reservation for pity party of one in my bed, not even needing to leave home, i thought my chest was going to close up. i thought all the air to breathe was trapped in a balloon somewhere and i let go of the string. i saw the balloon that i so desperately needed float up, up, up, and away from me. i lost it. i not only lost the imaginary balloon, i momentarily lost my mind. well, lets just say i misplaced it for a few hours (i seem to do that from time to time).

but again, back to the exhaling part…

(be warned:here comes the almost vomit-inducing self help)…

i was so momentarily uncomfortable in my own skin. so displeased with the turns and winds ive found myself on, but after my temper tantrum, i wore myself out (like whats appropriate for 2 year olds…suffice it to say i should have surpassed that demographic long ago). i fell asleep. i needed it. the last week ive been getting 3-4 hours of sleep at night. so, i napped in the middle of the day.

when i woke up-i could breathe. my chest opened up. i seemed to have put on some glasses that allowed me to see things clearly. it wasnt so bad. and i told myself that there would be no more days like this one.

it was a decision.

the decision to take care of myself and take a f*ing nap.
the decision to assess and make change
the decision to be create solution
the decision to stop and ALLOW myself to breathe.

the next day was the greatest day ive had in a very long time.

this is cyclical for me. from time to time i tend to get to the point of almost suffocating and completely losing my mind-then the dust settles, and im brought completely back to good. now, i can smile about it. i like going a lil crazy from time to time. it keeps things exciting.

so, the theme for the day is: GO ABSOLUTELY IRREVOCABLY BAT SHIT CRAZY! if youre on the verge of snapping and work, family, your boss, whatever, has you at your breaking point…then just break. (preferably in the privacy of your own padded wall home, but let the shit fly)…theres a certain clarity and resolution that comes from a lil mania from time to time.

it can actually catapult you into a place of change that you needed.
i know that when i get to the point of crazy, its because ive been putting off doing things or making decisions that were best for my greatest self. and finally somewhere deep down i get so pissed i snap, and have to get back on my greatest path, its good.
do it.
go crazy.

be crazy in love
crazy for life
and crazy to laugh.

and by the way, “well-behaved women rarely make history…”-laurel thatcher ulrich

“..in a sky full of people only some want to fly, isnt that crazy??!…no we’re never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy…”

peace-

n.

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