so heavenly…

i love the rare occasions when i dont have early clients, because that means i get to continue the affair with my far too many pillows and cal king. what that actually looks like  is me spinning around like a helicopter and i can bet drool is involved, but its ohhh so heavenly.

so, i feel i need (on behalf of the ladies) talk about an issue that freaked me the f*** out over the last month and a half. guys, this may be of use so at least skim over and and see if anything sticks. its about women, moods, hormones, and sex…it affects you one way or another.

so, i got on birth control about a month and a half ago. did the whole gyno bit, told her about my pms, and cramps-so we decided the pill was an option. we thought YAZ because of the low dose of hormones. im the girl that doesnt like to wash her hair, doesnt wear deodorant, and uses oils to preserve my “earthy” essence. that being said, to actually put a synthetic hormone in my body seems almost sacriligious.

i was actually kind of secretly excited about this new endeavor-i thought it was going to be the miracle pill for bloating, mood, all the BS we deal with on the monthly.

week 1: life is grand, and i am larger than life. i noticed it was a diuretic, so i was always peeing (my thoughts:ooooh, no water weight, nice) my skin was developing a really nice glow..all in all, week was was perfection.

week 2: same, but even better skin, getting a lil snappy with my mouth (and if you know me-can be quite cutting with no need for enhancement via a drug) and boy, am i huuuuungry. i just want to eat because i have a mouth and there are restaurants with food so i can be served.

week 3: maybe its a good idea to start crying……alot. “hey nat, what are you gonna do this weekend?”…..i retort, “hey, yah, this weekend? i think im going to cry. yah ive got my whole weekend planned. no, i cant go to that really cool party, ive already made plans to cry.” and the food at this point OUT OF M*F* CONTROL! i literally had a friend drive me to get pizza, and nachos all to be washed down with a jar of pickle juice. (the pickle juice you cant hold against me, im from the dirty and thats just what you do). so, needless to say, im starting to freak out because i cant tell you the last time ive held a piece of pizza in my hands or even gotten acquainted with a friendly plate of nachos. ALARMED.

week 4: switch back to on top of the world, have glorious 2 day period (gotta love that) but nervous about the fact i cant get full. oh, now ice cream…i havent had ice cream in at least 7 years, but now HAD TO HAVE IT. my life at this point is a bad movie montage of star wars  starring me as jabba the hut, and willy wonka and im cast as violet beauregarde who blows up into an uncontrollably fat blueberry. being health conscious and very exercise driven this is crazy making for me. so midway through week four the tears again because, i mean, why not.

week 5 (new poison pack): go through the first 4 pills then i think to myself…leeeeeeet me google this junk. well, to my surprise and astonishment, there are web pages dedicated to the hatred of this pill and the side effects and countless women taking time out of their days to write down their intense loathing for this pill. i hate to say, i spent 4 hours reading and reading and reading.

needless to say, i am off the poison. i finally got smart after 5 weeks (im a little slow on the uptake sometimes) and now have been off about 5 days. i feel sooooooo much better.

i just wanted to be honest with you about this even though its really personal to me in case anyone out there is on or thinking of taking this birth control pill. one should do their own research BEFOREHAND-i actually didnt and it cost me. i know that all pills work differently with different systems. so as it was destroying mine it could very well enhance another. i just thought i was going crazy and never linked it to the pill. so theres my candid, unflattering personal experience that i have shared with you. 

have a gah-reat day!!!!!




ok, subject can’t be avoided…


i dont even know where to start. this one is a bitch this time. and for me, she chooses when and how she wants to come in- with a vengeance or sit on the side-lines like a mousy wall-flower. well, she is definitely here.

just to give you a little view into my life this past weekend-thursday night I made really good friends with “johnnie walker blue label”. black label was always my favorite friend til now. Friday I spent all day wanting to delete him as a friend. Saturday i went to yoga with my bff along with other random stuff.  now sunday…i decide somewhere after my 3 shot americano as i’m feeling all pepped up and ready to enjoy my sunday with extreme fervor- that it is now time to cry like a bitch for a good 2 hours. why? dont ask me why. there is no definitive path we can walk down to find the reason. (and the word “reason” can not be used in the same blog ever if we’re discussing pms mind you. i think it’s a law somewhere).

oh wait, there’s more…after my desire to throw myself into complete hysteria comes to an end-i am now utterly exhausted. haaaaaaaaave, you ever seen a kid lose their shit then 10 minutes later they’re completely passed out from act-out exhaustion? that was me. but at this point, i felt like all i could do now for the rest of the day is just muster the strength to hold the couch down and watch the oscar pre-shows with 2 bags of chips with salsa. that’s what HAD to be done. that was absolutely the only fixable solution.

then we cut to me completely spinning out that i actually successfully finished a bag and a half and the mental havoc that ensued. wow, am i on a roll. now, im on clean up patrol for my lost weekend and new found desire to sit around and waste my day. geez. and i KNOW im not the only one. it sucks for all of us. i swear im going to invent something like a “pms blocker”. if not to be taken by us-for all the people who have to endure us premenz.

peace (finally today)