this very bizarre thing…

im reading a book and a topic is power.  something ive been thinking a lot about lately.

this author says that there should be no fear if power is grown alongside vulnerability. he states that the creator of yoga, Patanjali says to tread lightly around the area of power so that it will not be abused (Patanjali was fearful of the trouble power could cause if used wrongly). the author  also states that the fixable solution to that is to also be developing vulnurability. 

i find this very interesting as of late. we find ourselves in times of our lives feeling invincible, other times invisible. sometimes we are magnetic and alluring, other times mousy and quietly assessing. 

so for me, this is a quite graceful balance to attain- to continue developing my ability to remain vunerable, and allowing my power to be an unbridled force. 

i know this is a weird one today. the women im sure can get what im saying. even the men too, even though they dont want to admit that they too think of their power. 🙂


it seems to always come back to balance.







so i was reading how people most often are closed. there are small moments in our lives where we choose to be open. open with friends, open with opportunities or closed to relationships, closed to ideas, closed to the concept of being vulnerable.

the reason we close off is out of fear that when we are open things we dont welcome can enter and take from us. this is a true and valid fear. i feel like things are constantly being taken from me or people are pushing their way in or an energy vampire has posted up in my space and pitched a tent. i can be the master of the close off. i actually operate very well that way i like to think. but the problem with that is im not truly living. im not open to all my potential to connect to life and its beauty. i know……just stay with me….im getting out there with it….

but maybe if i open up more more things are comfortable to coming to me and staying and posting up. good things, things that bring love and warmth to my life.

so my goal today is not to be closed off and at least fake the fact that i can be a mean ass bitch! 🙂 no, seriously, im making the choice to welcome goodness into my life today. and i wish goodness for you today too.



just ok…

so i was reading today…and the author was talking about how pitiful it is to just exist in a state of “ok”. he says that if anything, be as miserable as possible or simply happy, but not just ok.

its dangerous to function that way, and i agree. this is important to me because ive been in this numb “ok” state for some time now. i have everything in the world to be “overwhelmingly joyous” about, but i still find myself  in the world of “just ok”. in this place i can see from the outside in that i am on auto pilot/zombie-like…in spiritual meatphysical speak:not aware.

there are moments at all seconds of the day where opportunities are presented to us, and if we are unaware we will completely overlook and dismiss those gifts. that is the danger in just ok or just whatever. so…my task now is to wake the fuck up and be ANYTHING but just ok.

challenge yourself if you find yourself here as well…OK?



i’ve been reading a lot about power, positivity, and just existence. yes, all that in between my obsession with jenna jameson and films that are just ridic.

but what unnerves me is that the teacher that i read says that we cant get to the highest rung of the “positivity ladder” without visiting the lowest. we cant peak in our positivity the way the universe fully intends unless we muster the courage to visit the deep. and that totally bums me out.

i’ve been operating half-ass to save myself any drama filled emotion. i’ve tried my damndest to just be copacetic with all around me. and that seems to be the lame way to go, as well.  just existing in mediocrity to keep from visiting the low is not actually beneficial.or as my guru says, “living an existence in hell”. damn, and i was just trying to save myself the headache.

back to the drawing board.