ahhh, friday…

i got such good sleep last night.

OMG it was so needed!!!!

i do remember dreaming about jessica beal?! anyhoo…

this weekend im going to try and calm my shit down. ive been stressing myself to the point of complete exhaustion. and i cant even point out what my stress is coming from. i think its a couple of things. i think its the time of year. spring always makes me antsy, the economy, my usual “whats my purpose in life?” . its all these things compounded into the last couple of weeks.

can you remember what it was like as a kid to feel no stress? the biggest stress for me growing up was getting drafted to a shitty baseball team. or i remember having to go inside from a full day of playing and still not feeling tired. i wanted to play more. that was pretty much it. i want just one of those days again. just one. then maybe i can figure out how to reproduce it on my own. and have them over and over and over.

in a book im reading the author says: “growth means that you are absorbing something new everyday…people who have never suffered and have lived a convenient and comfortable life are almost dead. their lives will not be sharp like a sword.” -(OSHO)

a couple of things-i am by no means saying my life is hard, or whining about my situation. i am blessed utterly and completely. there are people out there everyday that fight the good fight, and i am by no means discounting true struggles people face. but i have my shit too.

i am in a state of growth right now. and as a child when you go through spurts there are pains that come with that. this is my place right now. i am growing. and a lot of me feels a beautiful sense of peace in it. i want my life to be poignant. i want my life to be full and colorful and rich. it takes these times of  struggle and growth to carve out the design of a beautiful life. here i am. me and God (the universe) whittling away at my so called life. actually, (s)he’s carving, i’m the jack-ass cleaning and sweeping up the excess shavings. 🙂

make love this weekend…

n.

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woke up confused about the brain…

so, we all get stressed out, right? yah.

well, i always seem to find things to stress out about. now, i’ve romantically given the rose to “personal finances and the economy”. this has become my stress lover as of late.

although i’m actually fine and have a job that i absolutely love. i find myself giving into the poor economic hysteria. i dream about it, think about it all day, and talk and talk about it.

here’s the rub. i keep spending money. and let me preface by saying i’m the girl that still clips coupons and holds up the grocery line over exact change (my friends hate being in line with me). but i love saving money. i grew up shopping at value village and goodwill before it was socially deemed as cool. while i have friends that brag about their major purchases in my head i think of how much of an idiot they are actually paying full retail. can you not be a little more creative?!

but now in the headspace of financial panic that our country has found itself in-i have been doing some major retail therapy. so bizarre. i dont understand. i’ve been shopping with a vengeance. what is that? can someone please explain? i keep saying,” ok. done. no more. get a fu@#$ng grip”, yet still…

i dont really have crazy vices or drama that can feel like needle to the vein, but how and when did shopping make an entrance? i dont know. if i were to go tomy  “evolved” self, i would say “don’t force it”, “let it exit on it’s own”, “quit throwing so much power and energy into worrying”-all these things are true. i just find the whole juxtaposing phenomenon just that- a phenomenon.

ok, i’m out. walk in love today-i’m gonna try.

peace-

n.