i got such good sleep last night.
OMG it was so needed!!!!
i do remember dreaming about jessica beal?! anyhoo…
this weekend im going to try and calm my shit down. ive been stressing myself to the point of complete exhaustion. and i cant even point out what my stress is coming from. i think its a couple of things. i think its the time of year. spring always makes me antsy, the economy, my usual “whats my purpose in life?” . its all these things compounded into the last couple of weeks.
can you remember what it was like as a kid to feel no stress? the biggest stress for me growing up was getting drafted to a shitty baseball team. or i remember having to go inside from a full day of playing and still not feeling tired. i wanted to play more. that was pretty much it. i want just one of those days again. just one. then maybe i can figure out how to reproduce it on my own. and have them over and over and over.
in a book im reading the author says: “growth means that you are absorbing something new everyday…people who have never suffered and have lived a convenient and comfortable life are almost dead. their lives will not be sharp like a sword.” -(OSHO)
a couple of things-i am by no means saying my life is hard, or whining about my situation. i am blessed utterly and completely. there are people out there everyday that fight the good fight, and i am by no means discounting true struggles people face. but i have my shit too.
i am in a state of growth right now. and as a child when you go through spurts there are pains that come with that. this is my place right now. i am growing. and a lot of me feels a beautiful sense of peace in it. i want my life to be poignant. i want my life to be full and colorful and rich. it takes these times of struggle and growth to carve out the design of a beautiful life. here i am. me and God (the universe) whittling away at my so called life. actually, (s)he’s carving, i’m the jack-ass cleaning and sweeping up the excess shavings. 🙂
make love this weekend…