late start…

so, 

how many commercials do we see just within a half an hour sitcom or watching a stint of the news that is related to some newly found disorder??? 

yesterday i saw a commercial on PAD (peripheral artery disease), and then one on “restless leg syndrome” wtf?? the PAD actually seems more legitimate that having a leg that wont sit still (a cure for that when i was a kid was a knock upside the head)-no meds needed.

but my point (there’s always a point)  is…

 

i literally get so depressed in the winter time. i hole up, i shut down, i feel like i can not function as an adult in our world most times. if its overcast i feel unsure. if its too windy? cant seem to take a risk. seriously. there is a name for this disorder.

SEASONAL AFFECTIVE DISORDER or (SAD) very fitting, right?!

 

well, i think it’s a crock of bullshit. or at least im choosing to not fall prey as another number in the statistic game of those out there that sign up to say theyre a victim.

but,

in the winter, my life virtually turns upside down. i cant get/stay warm, i dont want to see friends or make an effort, and i eat, boy do i eat.

but cut to today-its literally 92 degrees here in LA. Beads of sweat are scurrying down my back  as if to jockey for pole position as i type away in my apartment. and what?

i have a smile on my face. i couldnt be happier. i love the heat, the sun, the warmth. it makes me strong. it makes me alert. it makes me want to.

so back to my bullshit theory…

 

maybe i shouldnt take a pill or set up “light therapy” sessions, but there is something to be said for the way i feel in both seasons. literally, im like 2 different people. i dont have the answer or a theory for that matter. i am still just going to choose to not believe in such a disorder.

i think it was said poetically this way, “mama, you can choose the rain, but i choose the sun….thats all i need to free myself…”- Nikka Costa

 

anyway, just thought i’d share with you.

 

i also want to acknowledge all the lives affected by the Columbine tragedy. it is not forgotten. the loved ones taken and the ones survived will not be forgotten.  

 

peace-

 

n.

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hmmmmm…

so i was reading how people most often are closed. there are small moments in our lives where we choose to be open. open with friends, open with opportunities or closed to relationships, closed to ideas, closed to the concept of being vulnerable.

the reason we close off is out of fear that when we are open things we dont welcome can enter and take from us. this is a true and valid fear. i feel like things are constantly being taken from me or people are pushing their way in or an energy vampire has posted up in my space and pitched a tent. i can be the master of the close off. i actually operate very well that way i like to think. but the problem with that is im not truly living. im not open to all my potential to connect to life and its beauty. i know……just stay with me….im getting out there with it….

but maybe if i open up more more things are comfortable to coming to me and staying and posting up. good things, things that bring love and warmth to my life.

so my goal today is not to be closed off and at least fake the fact that i can be a mean ass bitch! 🙂 no, seriously, im making the choice to welcome goodness into my life today. and i wish goodness for you today too.

peace-

n.